Lyrics
I brought my own 45's
So if you wanna put them on, I'll show you my stuff
Haven't you shown us enough?
Oh, my God, how times have changed
This girl's either blind or completely deranged
Oh, the time seemed to halt
When I was Miss Baltimore Crabs
It's always been my dream to dance on this show
Aw, maybe you ought to go back to sleep
Childhood dreams for me were cracked
When that damn Shirley Temple stole my friggin' act
But the crown's in the vault
From when I won Miss Baltimore Crabs
Those poor runner-ups may still hold some grudges
They padded their cups, but I screwed the judges
Those broads thought they'd win
If a plate they would spin in their dance
Haha, not a chance!
'Cause I hit the stage, batons ablaze
While belting high Cs and preparing cheese souffles
Ah-ah-ah-ah
But that triple somersault
Was how I clinched Miss Baltimore Crabs
Oh, almost dinner time
Shouldn't you be waddling along?
Amber, haven't I taught you not to judge a book by its cover?
No
Oh, this is America, where everyone deserves a separate
But equal chance to fail
I'll handle this
Are you scared we're on live?
No, I'm sure I can cope
Well, this show isn't broadcast in-
CinemaScope
I never drank one chocolate malt-
No desserts for Miss Baltimore Crabs
How many sweaters do you own?
Well, I'm sure, I've got plenty
Let me see, I have three, five
Wait, I have twenty
I would say, "Oy, gevalt!"
But I can't, I'm Miss Baltimore Crabs
You're too wide from the back
Honey, look at her front
Wait, are we on Candid Camera?
Okay, where's Allen Funt?
Do you dance like you dress?
Girls, there's no need to be cruel
Would you swim in an integrated pool?
I sure would, I'm all for integration
It's the new frontier
Not in Baltimore, it isn't
Can I audition for Corny now?
Mmm, I'm his producer, and may I be frank?
First impressions can be tough and when I saw you, I knew it
If your size weren't enough, your last answer just blew it
And so, my dear, so loud and stout
You'll never be in-
So we're kicking you out
With your form and your face, well it isn't your fault
You're just down with a case of Miss Baltimore Crabs
You may go
Uh, thank you?
I could tell, they really liked you
Hello ma'am, I want to audition
And I wanna be eighteen again
How 'bout you bow and exalt?
For I was Miss Baltimore Crabs
Crabs, crabs
Crabs
WRITERS
Marc Shaiman, Scott Wittman, Scott Michael Wittman
PUBLISHERS
Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group
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Enjoyment
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Sexual
